"Bring All The Suckers In;" why the Human Centipede was such a tease

I love Halloween. Its my favorite time of the year, even more so then Christmas, so I'm gonna be posting alot of horror related things on the blog here for a little while. I might even post a Misfits album or two, just for kicks. But I just saw the trailer for the second Human Centipede movie and it got me thinking about shock cinema.

First off, let me say that I saw the first Human Centipede... and I laughed at it. Not because it was a bad film exactly, but because so much controversy surrounded it.

Seriously, this was what offended people so much? The film was all hype and premise, with little to no pay off. Kinda like sex in a hot tub, or so I hear. The whole shock element (the centipede in question) was left almost entirely offscreen, there was little to no gore, and the whole "shitting in the mouth" situation was surprisingly un-graphic. Has nobody seen Salo, where tongues were cut off and excrement was eaten? Or Audition? (I'm not even gonna describe that one, just go youtube it and vomit.)

In other words, the film was either a brilliant social experiment to see how ultra PC types will judge by title alone... or it just sucked. The acting? I found the performance of the german doctor brilliant. He oozed a disturbed sense of evil that I haven't seen since Cushing last graced my screen. Just about everybody else was unbearable to watch onscreen, fulfilling every single modern horror cliche in the book. The script? Fair genericeric, if you've seen any other horror film or two.
Overall? The film accomplished exactly what I think it set out to do; shock people, play on expectations, and make alot of money. All of this, while in actuality being a fairly middle of the road film; not particularly good or bad, not shocking but not kid friendly either. It was bland. And yet, it made such a fuss.

I find it funny just how seriously people take these films. If your going and buying a ticket to a movie called "The Human Centipede" or "1000 Days In Sodom," you should know EXACTLY what your getting into. For me, I prefer the terribly produced grindhouse films of the 70's where the gore is just so ridiculous, you cant even take it seriously. I'm not a fan of shock and awe for the sake of shock and awe, which is why I'm more into "The Toxic Avenger" then "Flowers of the Flesh." For me, that kind of ultra violence can be equal parts bad ass and laughable. Hobo With A Shotgun was amazing, showing ultra violence so obscene that it just seemed goofy while anchoring it with an 80's sountrack, a solid story, and Rutger fucking Hauer. Plus, it was Canadian! (seriously, go see that film, a random little side note/recomendation.)

But at the end of the day, its all just cinema. Its entertainment, its a natural (and more conveniant) source of fun that has evolved from those old gladiator matches where slaves were killed for sport. Remember those sideshows full of "freaks and deformities" they had at carnivals during the turn of the century? These films are a distillation of that. Its aweful and kinda gruesome that humans are so entertained by these things but its just morbid curiosity out in the open. Why do you think so many people will gather around a crime scene, or watch a fire burn down a building? Its in our DNA to be messed up and fascinated by the extreme.

A movie like "The Human Centipede" would have simply been relegated to the arthouse theatres and sketchy movie rental places were it not for its title and the promise it made. But a shocking title and a sideshow-like slogan ("100 percent medically accurate")? That will bring all the suckers in.
In another brilliant move, the director of Centipede (Tom Six) went ahead and made a meta sequel that actually showed all the gore and violence. A perfect middle finger to critics like myself who laughed at his wannabe piece of shock entertainment. I wont go into details, but just reading the plot synopsis made me feel a bit ill.

Anyways, thats just me ranting. I find these films fascinating, even if they truly are just badly made... but I'm just messed up that way. And like any horror fan, I'm always game for something that might just make me want to vomit. Which is why I'm gonna watch The Human Centipede Part 2, and soak in all the family friendly entertainment it has to offer.

But I'm downloading it, because Tom Six already owns more of my money then he deserves. Fucker.

- Nathan

The Exploding Hearts - "Guitar Romantic"

So here's a sad story for yea.
A bunch of perfect looking young adults get together to write some of the most perfect music ever made. They make one sole, brilliant, underrated album. And then they get in a car crash after a gig and 3 of the 4 core members die far to young. Saddest story in a long time, especially after you listen to this one album of what could have been.
What could have been is one of the most influential power pop/rock bands ever. Seriously, I'm not exagerating, this entire album is just perfectly made and produced. The songs all sound different yet consistant, packing enough poppy garage punk jams with romance and cheap thrills to get your rocks off. Its poppy enough to appeal to the little girl in everybody yet raw enough to still feel legit. The lyrics are clever, fun, light hearted yet full of timeless teenage angst and mature longing. Its like a John Hughes movie and an episode of Happy Days had break up sex and spawned a baby that plays music. Oh and the best part? These old 70's sounding souls were active in the early 2000's. Bet you wouldnt have guessed that!
So download this and listen to a snapshot of what could have been. Best songs include "Throwaway Style" and "I'm a Pretender," for fans of dancable pop music that you wont feel guilty for listening to. Also, a great alternative to that "Moves Like Jagger" bullshit.

1. Modern Kicks
2. I'm A Pretender
3. Thorns In Roses
4. You're Black & Blue
5. Sleeping Aides & Razor Blades
6. Rumours in Town
7. Throwaway Style
8. Boulevard Trash
9. Jailbird
10. Still Crazy


DL Link here!

(ALSO GUYS, It is officially halloween season! which means plenty of schlocky horror movies, music, and dress up shows! expect a post on what to check out this october real soon.)

Film Review: The Future

In 2005, Miranda July burst onto the independent film scene with Me and You and Everyone We Know. Six years later, and she’s back up to her old tricks in writing, directing, and starring in another darling film. In The Future, she and Hamish Linklater play a couple in Los Angeles who plan on adopting a cat. This is a cat that they’ve rescued, and they cannot adopt it until it finishes receiving medical care. It dawns on them that once the cat, affectionately named Paw Paw, comes in to their lives, it will provide a dramatic shakeup of how they have been living their lives to date. As a result, they come to the conclusion that they only have a month left to truly experience what live could be like. They quit their jobs and storm on full speed ahead. The following story landed at Calgary International Film Festival on Friday, September 22^nd and very much deserved to have landed such a coveted time slot during the film fest.

Without knowing much about July, it becomes more and more apparent through each film that she absolutely throws herself into everything she does. In both films, we get a great glimpse at just how caring strangers can be, but also how bizarre. Another common element up front is sex. Not sex appeal, but more so all the weird stuff that goes into sex, and the lengths people will go to get what they want. However, this film starts to take on a life of its own through the whimsical qualities it brings. I cannot remember the last time I saw a movie I enjoyed so thoroughly that was essentially narrated by a cat, but Paw Paw does a wonderful job of tying the story together. One of the most beautiful things about this movie though is through all the magical feelings that come across the screen, it never becomes out of touch with human beings of today. The characters on screen never lose touch with reality, which is a danger when tackling a project as the usual type of quirky business July has become associated with. Overall, this film gives a brutally wonderful story in an hour and a half, one in which you can’t help yourself be captured within it.

Even though The Future was only in town because of CIFF, it is definitely something worth going out of your way to go find and watch. There is no telling when July will produce another, or even if she will. Chances are though that she will make something you won’t know how to feel about until it’s over, and then want to go through it all over again.

- Other Nathan

Yip Deceiver - Self Titled EP

I had the good fortune of seeing these guys open for Gobble Gobble at Tubby Dog over Sled Island this year. It was basically a bunch of hipsters doing this awkward (but fun) backward/forward rooster style lean dance to this LOUD pop music being made by this wall of synths and drum machines while a ton of lights went off and hot dogs were thrown about. It was a total blast.
Yip Deceiver is the brainchild of multi-instrumentalist Davey Pierce, who may be better known for his work with of Montreal (though honestly, I dig this WAY more then of Montreal!) Now, its something of a collaborative project.
They play a really bouncy, fun take on 80's new wave and electronica, mixing synths and clever lyrics with indie melodies and a sheen of tasteful autotune ontop of the vocals. They really nail this nostalgic, teenage heartthrob sound with all of there gloss and glam. Normally, that kind of thing sickens me but its played so earnestly and goofily by these guys, I can't help but move move shake shake. It also kinda sounds like 8-Bit SNES videogame backround music, which is just straight up rad.
Its perfect pop music played electronically, and its just insanely catchy and weird and fun. Have I said weird enough? Have I used to many adjectives? You get the idea. Iits impossible to listen to these songs without bobbing your head!

1. Obnoxia
2. For All The Haters
3. Sadie Hawkins Day
4. Get Strict
5. Sadie Hawkins Day (Lonely Paul remix)

DL link here!

Braids - "Native Speaker"

I do yoga to Braids. I know thats a weird statement to start with, but it should give an idea of just how calming and amazing this band is.

Braids is an indie pop/art rock band from Calgary that lost a high school battle of the bands to a Red Hot Chili Peppers tribute band. I saw them open for Deerhunter at Sled Island, and it was pretty mind expanding. They layer spacious, warmly melodic sounds and dynamic vocals with a perfect flow. If this all sounds a bit heavy handed to you, dont worry - they sound really playful and optimistic, but not overly so! Each song on this debut CD averages about 6 to 8 minutes long, but it never feels that long. They dont drag, and it constantly compels.
Its pretty amazing how they manage to both create such layers and walls of music while wrapping it around tight, catchy tunes. They transcend age and genres. There music just makes sense, in a really undescribable way. They speak to you, and listen to you.
They just really rule is what I'm trying to say, and I hope you dig them!

1. Lemonade
2. Plath Heart
3. Glass Deers
4. Native Speaker
5. Lammicken
6. Same Mum
7. Little Hand

DL here!

The Detractions are recording

Unless you are one of the dozens of people who have seen our basement shows with a revolving lineup for the past half a year, the title of this post is going to mean NOTHING to you. So I thought I would clarify.

The Detractions, after much apathy and procrastination, are doing some recording this weekend. In a basement. For a day. Seriously, settle down everyone!

Okay, lemme explain; The Detractions is a musical project I have been playing guitar and singing with for almost a year now with a bunch of other rad local musicians. Peter Cormier (from that awesome folk band Here on the Sun) plays drums, Richard Charter (solo shoegazing wizard) plays guitar as well, and Chris Donovan slaps the bass and does some wailing of his own. And then there's me, whose pretty cool I guess.

Its taken awhile to get settled down with a lineup. Initially I was playing bass and we had one of the guys from (the late) Random Task Collective playing guitar for us and for another while we were a three piece (pictured below.) We played a bunch of goofy cover shows where we all dressed up and jumped around, which was a ton of fun.

Yes, we dressed up as blink 182 and played 90's covers. We also impersonated Sex Bob-Omb for a Scott Pilgrim screening party.


But with Chris joining on bass and me moving to where I wanna be (playing guitar and whatnot) we finally got down to writing original material. The name came from a play on Elvis Costellos backing band, The Attractions.

We played a basement show with The Prabes and Cluster Fox about a month ago now, which went fairly well considering we had never played a show with original material before that. And now, we figured we would get some recording done before school/work gets to hectic for all of us.

I have alot of fun with it. Most of my previous bands were just straight ahead, humourless punk/grind or whatever which gets old pretty quick. The Detractions is great because we all come from different musical backrounds but it all meshes really well. Ontop of that, we dont take ourselves to seriously because whats the fun in that?

Long story short, were gonna record as many originals as we can in one day next Sunday. A friend of mine, local musician Phil Feiss (Fornskog, Garroting Deep) will be mixing for us, so many thanks to him. When its all done, were gonna sell copies free or for donation! Also, a free download will be posted to this blog in case ya'll are interested. Also, we may be playing an all acoustic gig at a coffee shop on 17th sometime soon so keep your eyes out for that. We may do more after that but between school and work, we probably wont start regularly gigging till after this december. I cant speak for all the guys though!

Anyways, just thought I would talk a bit about it. I'm super excited!

- Nathan I

Black Death Review

So I have just finished watching Black Death. The only thing that I can say is, it was pretty good. It's been a while since I've actually yelled at a movie in anger. It was quite the experience, one that is definitely welcome in my mind.

The movie is directed by Christopher Smith (Severence, Creep). He's known for directing on the horror/ thriller side of things and doesn't fail to deliver. He achieve's a sense of both suspense and breathlessness at the climax of the film that literEddieally had me at the edge of my seat. The music, which is conducted by Nick Ingman (Shakespeare in Love, Madagascar) builds the mood and chilled me to the bone. The choices made by Smith creates an aura of evil and gives off a satanic and dark feel.

The film itself doesn't follow any traditional storyline or plot that I can recognize. The story is about a kinght appointed by the church in 1348, right around the time of the first bubonic plague that struck England. This plague was also known as the Black Death because of the black spots and boils it leaves on its victims skin. Medicine in Europe had no means of stopping it and the Church's believed it to be God sending this plague as a means for us to pay for our sins. The knight, played by actor Sean Bean (Lord of the Rings, Game of Thrones) is sent to a remote village where it is rumored to be ruled by a woman who can raise the dead and may have Satanic ties. The monk that volunteers to lead him to this village is played by Eddie Redmayne (The Good Shepard, Powder Blue) and I must say he delivers a very powerful performance. His anguish, self doubt, and self destruction makes it a performance worth seeing. By the time the third act rolled around I was still craving more and still appropriatly creeped out.

And that's my first review. So how did I do? Feel free to leave a comment here, on Facebook, or on twitter @R_Galarneau. I will welcome any feedback ranging from opinions on how I can improve to what other movies you may want me to review. Well this has been a lot of fun. and Arrivederci for now friends!

~Riley